5 Ways to Get the Most Out of Spiritual Direction
One of the concepts drilled into students at the School of Spiritual Direction at Clearwater’s House of Prayer is that when you meet with your director, it is not therapy. I understand the temptation. Those who seek direction in their prayer lives do so because they sense there could be some new level to their relationship with God. That is, of course, true for all of us. This side of Eternity, all we can do is try to continue to draw closer to our Creator.
What often happens is that we lose our way in our personal journeys. It is not a sin, unless it is sin that drives us from God. There is no standard way of talking to God despite the number of wonderful pre-formed prayers and devotions that are part of our Catholic tradition. Those are great, and the multitude of graces and blessings that can flow from them are innumerable. But as a priest of mine once said during a homily, our Spiritual lives do not end when you say the Our Father and Cross yourself, as if hanging up the phone. Yet how do we discern the smaller, quieter places where we can hear the constant murmur that is God speaking to us? It can be frustrating at times, and that is why many turn to spiritual direction because they yearn for that kind of communication but have yet to experience it. That is why they stress the difference with psychology at the school. A spiritual director cannot solve your religious problems, or any problems for that matter. Looking to them to do so will only lead to further desolation, a word directors use for those times when people are in the kind of rut that often leads to them seeking out a spiritual director. Whatever it is that is causing such angst is between you and God. This is all not meant to discourage you from finding a spiritual director. Instead, I hope to help you to get the most out of your time with one by understanding a few ground rules.
1. Spiritual direction is not therapy
Given the emphasis in the previous paragraph, the notion of spiritual direction not being therapy bears a little more discussion. The parallels between the two are tempting. You meet one-on-one with a person that is supposed to provide guidance. Sound familiar? What separates a good spiritual director from a mental health professional is, as simplistic as this might seem, talking. The best trait you can ask for in a director is to be a good listener. And while a psychologist will (hopefully) have the same quality, their responses are based on a set of rudiments derived from years of academic education and experience. A spiritual director, with the Holy Spirit invoked, should be a little more tailored to what will deepen your relationship with God. That is much more personal, much more idiosyncratic, and much more rewarding. The goal is not to fit what you are going through into some kind of psychological principle. Instead, a word or two here or there will hopefully inspire in you, again through the power of the Holy Spirit, the kind of answers that had been within you all along. In a sense, it is not really the spiritual director that points the way, but rather God himself.
2. Be honest with your prayer life.
Having stressed the importance of understanding the difference between therapy and spiritual direction, allow me to perhaps further muddle the distinction between the two by urging openness with a spiritual director. If you have worked with a mental health professional, you will know that is something they emphasize in their sessions. And when in spiritual direction, because God truly is with us in every aspect of our lives, they tend to turn into an hour or so of unloading everything whether or not it pertains to your prayer life. That is okay, and indeed encouraged. Just giving these moments a voice when in the presence of the Holy Spirit is in itself an invitation for Him to come into all areas of your life and transform them. To do so requires a level of trust with your spiritual director that is hard to come by, but worth the effort. Yet know that your openness is not for the benefit of your director, but for a loving God that wants to hear and see the movements of your heart given voice.
3. Stay in contact with your spiritual director
I have had a couple spiritual directors. Through the months of meeting with them, I tended to forget that they are real people with separate lives. In other words, that their job is not being a spiritual director. Most lay people who serve in this ministry are typically employed elsewhere, but who felt called to help others on their spiritual journeys. This is true for me. If you are lucky enough to find a priest to be a spiritual director, then keep in mind that your sessions are but a part of the vast array of ministries they perform in any parish. When I have forgotten the fact that their lives are not focused on making sure that I am setting up and keeping my appointments, my direction came to an end. I was making the sessions more about me than Spiritual growth, thinking that my directors needed to cater to my schedule rather than the other way around. It is more than a courtesy. It is an acknowledgement that your relationship with God comes first and that you are the one seeking to improve it.
4. Silence is golden
Silence is not comfortable in any circumstance, least so when we confront our feelings, Spiritual or otherwise. If you have trouble being quiet, then one way of avoiding it while in spiritual direction is to come prepared. One aspect of a healthy Spiritual life is to keep a prayer journal. Do so, review it before a session, and you will see a great deal of fruit in your relationship with God. But as it is with so much of our journey, that is not the only way to receive your just desserts. For whatever reason, be it life events, busy schedules, lack of a connection with jotting down your thoughts, etc., sometimes journaling is not a part of practicing your Faith. Does that mean you are unprepared to meet with a spiritual director? Maybe. Does that matter? Not in the slightest. On Mount Horeb, Elijah did not hear God in the fire or the earthquake, but rather in the whisper that came after all these terrors. I like to think of the distracting thoughts that clatter around in our heads to be those rumblings Elijah went through before he could commune with God. Settle into that silence, even if you think your director is waiting impatiently, and allow the direction to emerge in yourself.
5. Stick with it
Many have gone into spiritual direction expecting great things, only to find that after a session or two there has not been a beam of light breaking through the clouds, choirs of singing angels, and that moment of epiphany that shows you the meaning of life. That could happen. But how often does that occur for any one at any time, save for the moment at which Jesus is baptized? Hyperbole aside, people get frustrated when they do not get immediate results. I am here to tell you that, beyond doubt, that incredible things will come of spiritual direction, and perhaps they will be in your first session or two. Either way, seeking out spiritual direction is a step towards a more enriching relationship with God. It may be a cliché phrase, but when you take one step towards God, He takes two steps toward you. You may not be able to plainly see those steps, but that is why we see a spiritual director in the first place. Stick with it, and those steps will become clearer.
There is no one-size-fits-all approach to spiritual direction. The interactions that take place between you and your director are intensely personal and can only take shape with time. And just because you find one does not necessarily mean that you will be with that person for the rest of your life. Spiritual direction helps you to be more in touch with the promptings of the Holy Spirit, and while close you are not vocationally tied to your director. Thus, you should be open to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, in your sessions and your director. Everyone comes with their own set of skills, and a good spiritual director will be in touch with them. You should be aware of them as well, and they should speak to what you need at any given moment in your life. If you have these things, the rewards can be incalculable.
